Hetalia: Arthur's Adventure!
by roy.mustang.fan
Summary: The thrilling adventure of one Arthur Kirkland. Faced with challenges of crazy Russians, horny nations, and other general tomfoolery, this is definitely a "Must-Read"! USUK, Everyone/UK, Russia/Everyone OMG MY FIRST STORY PLZ BE GENTLE!one!11!
1. Chapter 1

once upon a time. there was a alfred and he really loved igirisu he saw him one day and said hey artie wazzup and artie was all sod off you bloody wanker. but america hadn't even DONE anything yet. like to piss him off i mean, so he was kinda like wtf mate. except thats more of australia's thing. but anyway, he was all wtf i havent even annoyed you yet and artie was all idc u bloody tosser im going to leave if you dont shut up. and al was all who shoved a stick up your ass arthur? and arthur got pissed and sicced his corgi on him. alfred screamed and iggy ran away on his unicorn into the sunset. except he kinda rode away and not ran. and he flew across a rainbow with his fairy friends and it was really great and fun. so he started to sing happily and stuff about how he was the number one princess in the world and stuff. but then his unicosnrs got tired and fell out of the sky and iggy was all oh noesssssssone!!!!!111one and he collapses and shite.

he passed out and was unconscious for awhile and stuff. but hours later he began to wake up. he was still kinda groggy though. but he felt a hand on his ass. so he abruptly woke up. and was all OMG WTF. SOMEONE IS GROPING ME and then he hears the voice of a certain frog bastard say "oh mon ami angelterre, don't pretend you are not excited to see moi?" and england was all get the fuck away from me you wine freak and france was all but angelterre i love you for srs. so arthur kicked him in the balls and ran away. he probably should have just escaped on the unicorn but that ISNT AS SUSPENSEFUL AS A CHASE ON FOOT. so anyway, as england was escaping he suddenly was whisked into the air.

so he began to struggle, thinking francis had stolen his unicorn and was now using it against him and stuff like that. BUT IT WASN'T. it was gilbert. riding a pegasus but not like that guy from yugioh because that would just be awkward. SO ANYWAY. arthur was all, WTF GILBERT? AND GILBO WAS ALL, Muahahaha I claim you for Prussia! and england was all like nooooooooooooooo and gilbert started cackling until he broke into a coughing fit like some kind of heavy metal singer or something. gilbert landed the pegasus down in a conveinently placed grassy field.

england was then bound with leather straps and gilbert put a gag in his mouth and he was all IMMA CLAIM UR VITAL REGIONS. But he decided to sing first. Except he sucked at singing so much a flock of tiny yellow chicks flew out from the trees around them and proceeded to peck at him. arthur used this opportunity to escape! but he had to hop because he was still tied up and looking like a sex slave or something. but somehow he didnt attract any attention in this way. while marveling over the obliviousness of people in the area, he collided into something very tall....and very russian

of all the people he could meet, it had to be braginski! sheesh, arthur had the worst luck. artie began to sweat as he stared up at russia's smiling face. 'oh god he's going to kill me or make me one with him or rape me or everything like that and worse' just as england was faced with IMMINENT DOOM, he heard a cry from his right.

GTFO YOU DAMN FUCKING COMMIE PINKO BASTARD. And Alfred swung down from a vine and landed beside him. ivan's expression didnt falter, and he replied with a "hello comrade america, something is the matter da?" and america was all, YOU'RE WHATS THE MATTER. Stop tryring to fucking claim people damn it. But Russia would not accept that, people would call him a pussy if he didn't FIGHT LIKE A MAN. So as MANLY MEN as themselves are, they decided to HAVE A POKEMON BATTLE TO THE DEATH.

So america was all, I CHOOSE YOU, CHINA-CHU! and threw Yao at Ivan's face. YAO SCREECHED LIKE AN UNDERAGED SCHOOLGIRL AS HE FLEW THROUGH THE AIR. Ivan however, still seemed pleased. He only smiled and grabbed china into a BONECRUSHING, RIB BREAKING, BODY SPLINTERING, HUG OF LOVE. China was all omg wtf not now ivan there are people watching it'll ruin our manly commie image. so ivan pouted but carried china away to have fun somewhere nice and quiet.

england stared in disbelief. WHAT THE HELL JUST HAPPENED he shrieked, after Alfred had removed the leather/gags/etc that bound him. alfred only laughed and hugged arthur. I'm so glad you're safe! he cried. iggy being the tsundere he was, only replied with a "GET OFF ME YOU BLOODY GIT" alfred laughed again and kissed him because he has loved arthur forever and evers and all the other fanfics do that when the damsel is saved so yeah. and arthur blushed and flailed about but he secretly liked it. so as alfred pulled back, england couldnt help himself and flung himself into america's arms. it was all sappy and fluffy and tsundere for awhile, but things started to heat up. but no one can have sexy times without the fantabulous francis bonnefoy, so he burst from the bushes fully naked with gilbert and antonio at his side.

LETS HAVE A HAPPY NATION ORGY OF L'AMOR~ he said somewhat seductively. as seductive as capslock can be anyway. of course, a bunch of other countries who were magically nearby walked into the clearing to join in. Russia was all, Yay now you shall all become one with mother russia. and spain ran over to the clearly confused romano who had been dragged there be veneciano and started molesting him (with tomatoes)

so finally they all got on with it, even innocent little matthew, and everyone lived happily ever after until some other weird shit happened like arthur getting pregnant or something that happens in those weirdo au fics. BUT FOR NOW, a happy ending. THE AND.


	2. Chapter 2: The Adventure Continues

after over a year of love making, the nations decided itwas time fr the orgi to end. since americ and egnland were now a happy couple they walked back together to arhutes house.

omg eggland sais alfred embarassedly as they took the long walk to artur house along the beach were still naked! HOLYBLLOODYFUKINSHIT artur cried trying to cover up his vital region with has hand like omg wtf kiku popped up from a boulder near by to remind him of this fact as well INDECENT HE CRIED. and disappeared and shit yeah . alrfedo was all uhuhuhuhuhu huhuhuhuhuhuhuhu ur funi artie this is natural and iggy was like stfu u bloody wankergitface

so finall they skiped the rest fo way to iggy's house and burst through the door since iggy doesnt lock his doors because he is motherfucking BRITISH EMPIRE BITCHES BEST RESPECT

artr closed the door behind them and looks up to the ceiling and says hello there my fairy friends it is olly good to see everyone and merikca was like lol man u cray cray and iggy was like DIDNT I TELL YOU TO STFU TWATFACE. and america was all ):

then they stod there all awkward and iggy was like ok im srry im just being tsundere what you wanna do now ole chap. and america was like omg wtf mate make up ur mind be :C or be :) and then iggy was just like |B and amerik was like okok so ANYWAY ameirca was like iggz i think we shud have sexytiems in the showrer and iggy looks at him like he is sofa king stupid and is like wanker i dont use the shower i bathe in tea i r british and america was like o srry forgot

so they stood there. for like a few hours and iggy was like omg wtf mate this is crazy but not crazy like crazy colors or crazy copters or crazy people from the asylum more like crazy like wtf americ is silent i thik hes brokens or something. and america was then like WOOHOO MRY KRISMASU SORE WA SANTA YOOHOO!

and iggy screams because this scarred hima and hes liek wtf bloke its the middle of july and america is like no its isnt itas septempter 34th and iggy is like |||||B puta por favor

and then america is like whoa. i mean like WHOA. hes like iggyz where u learn to speak spanish and he;s like wel, its simple america i learned from humphrey bowswaddles and ameri is like what the hell you smokin man

and igg is liek ameri love would you like to be meeting humphert and and ameroc is like k whatevs ancient xy chrosomone being and engla whirls around like GIT ITS OLD MAN TO YOU I MEAN NO I MEAN FUCK. and americ is like fuck? 8D and england is like not that fuck srry2say and then ameri is like 8(

anyways englsma takes it that americ wants to meet humpshryez and leds him to the basements at the end of sveral flights of stares and americ is like wtf england there must be 6934 steps in here and england is like aktually theres 9001 now move your arse

and final when americ thinks they had to rwaach the center of the earth or platform 9 and 6/8 or narnia they reach an OMINOUS WOOD DOOR from like the middle ages. the MIDDLE FUCKING AGES- oh wait americ looked close and it was made in china but anyway england hands americ a torch from the wall

and hes likes mer mer its dangerous to go alone, take this przu and igy grabs his closk from the wall to cover his still naked body from the year long orgy. he pushes open the dor angirly like a an angrey wildebieast and americ foloows like HOLOY FUCKING SHITITTTTTTTTT MANNNNNNN because in his face is like i giant robot unicorn and england is like fuk wrong door and slams it shut afte pushing ameri out and hes like sorry love love thats james charles the 5th and americ is like...okkkkkk... and iggland turns to another door that myseteriously appeared on his leftand opens that instead

and then america is like HOLY FUCKING SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNN and england is like WILL YOU SHUT YOUR FACCE YOU JUST BLLODY FUCKING SAID THAT TOSSER and in their favce was a freaking massive grrn dragon. like this dragon was fucking green. green than grass or england -very pretty- eyes or kaibas hair from season0 of yugioh but anyway this shit was GREEN. ands americ turns very suavely to iggy and is like he reminds mw of your eye and enggland is like are you fucking daft and america is like ok seriously wtf mate. HE REALLY HADNT EVEN DONE ANYTHING THIS TIME. IT WAS A COMPLENT. so hes like wtf i just said something nice wtf did i do i like ur eyes

and engla is like you are really sofa king stupid and ameri is like ?_? so englan sighs and is like let me speak slow for you, humphrey is a GIRL. and america is like W . T . F

...ON THE NEXT EPISODE OF DAYS OF AMERICA AND ENGLAND'S LIVES- okok not really this is just the commerical break.

...commericals over now this isnt like tv our commecials are only -9001 seconds long so they BRING YOU BACK IN TIME.

so back in the basement america is like ok so...humphray is a girl and egglanf is like ...yeah and? and americ is like o no um she very beautifuk and iggy smiles and is like ty america and turns to the dragon and coos at it because it is his baby and is like yes america she is a prtty dragon and america is like omgwtfbbq england

and england is like ? and america is like wtf mate SPOILER ALERT HUMPHREY IS A DRAGON or something god damn. and he smaks his head and is like shit mer mer im sorry. so anyway back to other things amerioc is like so himphry leanrt you spangslish and igg was all smug ans was like yes she is very skilled with tongues and america is like ewwwwwwwwwwwwww you do that with the dragon and england is like ur a fukkin moron B|

and ameoc doesnt get it and england doesnt bother telling him because itas a waste of air and life and saliva thats actually tea because brits sweat salviate and cum tea all the fucking time ok.

and then its quiet for awhil and even the dragon is kinda quiet because shit is instense man and americ is final like...i dont believee it. and iggy is like ? what chu talkin bout meri and america is like that dragon did not teach you spainsh and england is FUCKING APALLED. america wtf you dare say shit like that to me. and hes like imma prove it stand back and engla turns to humphray and is like sweetie can you please tell him bitch please i am fucking fluent . in spanish of course and ameri at the same time is like i dont think this is gona work baby-

and then shit just STOPS. everyone just freezes. ameri freezes. iggy freezea. even fucking humphrey freezes because she knows shit is about to go down.

stage smoke begins to pour in as somehting rises out of the floor and england finds his voice and is like fuck meri-chan you said it and he lieks wut and hes like you used a summon word and ameroc is like bitch this shit doesnt exist what do you think we did at witchtrials and hes like fucker this is fucking real magic ok

and out of the smoke walks justine bibez and america and england are like SHITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT and then justine was like BABY BABY BABY BABY OOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHH

AND MERI TURNS TO IGG AND HES LIKE WE GOTTA DO SOMETHING AND IGG IS LIKE FUCK I KNO MAN

AND JUSTINE IS LIKE BABY BABY BABY NO~ an meroc screams and eggland collapses to the grouns with a cry and is like quick humphrey i choose YOU

and humhrey starts flying int the fucking basement and england is like use BITE and the force from humphreys wings blows england's cloack off

humphray swopes in for the kill and japan pops up behind justine beibz and is like igirisuu how INDECENT and humphrey swallows them both in a flash. and then it all goes quiet

and aemirca is like dude what just happened and england is like idk man i think we killed japan at least i can have his tea now and americ is like o ok- WAIT A FUCKING SECOND WHO IS GOING TO MAKE ME GAMES? and engand pulls americ down to his level and smashes their lips together and finaly pulls apart and is like ill show you better things than games

and america chuckles and kisses england's check and is like ur a naughty old man and then he hears the dragon snort in amusement and he's like you liked that didnt you girl and humophry is like si senor and aemrica is like holy. fucking. shit. this dragon is speaking spanish and england is like i told you gurlllll and america is like wow! and england is like ok back to shagging and americ is like can we let humphry use her tongues? and england is like ...ur a fukkin moron B|

so they have a frisky rround with humphrey and say their goodbyes, and head up the stairs. englasnd and americ decieed to take a nice hot bath in earl gry to calm their nerves, and americ decidees to stay the night in englands bed

so they cuddle together and dream peacusefully and live happily ever after. tigether.

mornign comes quick ansd americ wakes to find england in the bathroom and he's like my little british teacozy whats wrong im so happy we are living happily ever after

and brit turns slowly to face meri and is like ...meri...i think...im pregnant. and alf is just like ... but recovers and is like that great swetheart i always wants to have a child with you

and iggy is still silent and americ realizes something isnt right

and iggy is like i do too meri, i really do

...but i think it might be

...humphreys child

OH SHIT-

tbc.


End file.
